The basic elementary rule we learn right after sharing is caring, is to treat others the way in which you would like to be treated; the golden rules. Then again if the second rule wasn't broken in the first place, forgiveness wouldn't be in order.
Forgiveness to me is when you have truly encompassed the wrong doing, understand it and then have made peace with it. And only until all three of those things have been achieved, is when the wrongdoer can ask for forgiveness, making it the final component. You can't forgive those who don't want to be forgiven and have everyone benefit from the situation; if these grievences haven't been taken into account then 'they usually feel justified in what they did. The wrongdoer rationalizes their own wrong in the name of the other person's wrong, and if they apologize at all, it's superficial'.
Once the person in the wrong asks for forgiveness, and you truly forgive them, that means that is a closed chapter, no longer open for re entry. You don't get to bring it up in your next fight when you've run out of good stone throwing material, you can't use it as a good exit line when breaking things off; forgiveness means you lay it to rest.
My mom told me a story once about two girls at her school (she's a principal) I think these girls were second graders and had a fight on the playground, Abby had pushed Maria and Maria had fallen and scraped her knee. When sitting in the principals office my mother asked Maria if she could forgive Abby knowing that Abby had pushed her intentionally, but as humans we mistake and that forgiveness is where we learn. Maria replied with a simple Yes. So to be sure, as my mother sees this on a daily basis, she asks again "Maria you are forgiving Abby for what she did on the playground?" "Yes, Mrs. Granlund" my mom replies with "Ok so that means you can't bring this issue up again, or push her down tomorrow, once you've forgiven someone you leave the issue right here in my office and you can go on being friends again..." Maria thinks to herself, looks up at my mom and says "Well Mrs. Granlund, I don't think I forgive her then because I'm still mad".
Although we laugh at the simple situation between two school aged girls, we can't help but relate, reflect, and realize that although its childish, they've got it absolutely right. I'm supposed to forgive because it's the right thing to do, but i'm not over the situation at hand and still have ill feelings towards you. I know i'm supposed to forgive you because its the right thing to do, regardless of if you've asked for it or not, but what if you don't deserve it? Who am I to deem that appropriate? What if it was me in the situation, would I want to be forgiven?
Everyone makes mistakes and screws up, thats what makes the world go round. (What if that was true this whole time you thought earth was on an axis and little did you know it turns to the beat of infidelities, fuck ups, and wrongdoings) We sometimes forgive, sometimes forget, and sometimes go through the motions; we can't help but force ourselves to forgive sometimes in hopes that the grass is greener on the forgiven side. My problem lies in this; I can endure a lot of shit before i'll put my foot down, especially when I care so much about the person doing it. I know I know you're thinking "if you love them and they love you, you wouldn't be hurting each other" well that's true...in disney movies. I have forgiven many a people for doing shitty things, my best friend from college who would drink too much our freshmen year until it wasn't fun at all anymore, my dog for chewing through every panty I own, my mother for sometimes speaking horrible words about me while i'm not present. What I have come to struggle with is not forgiving people for doing shitty things, it's forgiving shitty people.
"People will not easily forgive the mistakes of the heart, the ill intention, the bad motives, the prideful justifying cover-up of the first mistake"
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