Have you ever felt a connectedness to a specific person, or group of people that has forever had a hold on your life? One such feeling that leads you to believe you have the ability to conquer the world with them by your side? Someone so close to you, you finish sentences, know mannerisms and quirks, and in my case; can tell what their voice sounds like on the phone when they are putting mascara on, 400 miles away.
People walk in and out of lives, some people grasp on tighter to certain friendships than others. Some people don't put in any effort and let once strong bonds fade to tattered yarn with a candle burning at each end. We sometimes blame ourselves, and most often blame others for the dissapated relationship that was once the only thing we woke up in the morning thinking about. I specifically am not one to call any certain being my 'best friend', it's not that i have ill feelings towards others, I just have never "played well with others" check my report cards. I give everyone the benefit of the doubt, and invade opportunities that i see a sun rising behind; I will put myself out there for people and 'stretch out my neck' as they say.
Pople either get on my nerves (some of the time) and others can't stand me (most of the time), all of which is fine, the revolving door of life. I view these as inadequate compatabilities, not missed chances. My close friends are the ones that can tolerate me, I can be a bit much, I know your shocked, and they love me all the same.
A Friendship, as in any Relationship, is 50/50. Of course there will be those times where someone is hurting and the other has to come in and save the day with 80 percent of the effort, but seeing as its someone you care for you don't chalk them up as 'points' its simply something you 'just do'. I recently had a touch of heartbreak occur, and although Supreme doesn't cry; Meg does.
On this particular go around I was tough as nails, kept my composure, cool, collectedness and did what I had to do to protect number 1. This being hard for me as I am not such a selfish person, especially when it comes to people i care deeply for. I was hurt, upset, and apalled by the lies that wrapped around the truths i thought once were and strangled the life out of them. I had nothing, I felt like nothing, and I wanted nothing from anyone, I just wanted to be left alone. That's when my all came in and started picking up the pieces, carefully sewing them back together one by one, hugs, kisses, and laughter filled the room where once stale resentment had lingered in the air. I began to smile and realize that life goes on with or without people you once thought you knew.
More so what I realized is the people that love me and care for me were the ones sitting right there next to me, having every opportunity to throw out an 'i told you so' or 'what did you expect' but instead they rallied around me offering nothing but love, kind words, and positive thoughts. I sat back and realized the moments i'm relishing in are amongst the ones that will be engrained in my memory forever. The people currently surrounding me will be the ones I will grow old with, watching each others children, having girls nights, and exchanging recipes together.
Everyone has acquaintances, friends, best friends, soul mates, lovers, people they can't live without, significant others, girlfriends, enemies, old flames, high school sweethearts, missed chances, people they keep close enough to love but far enough to not get hurt. I have someone in my life who has always held on and never given any concious thought to letting go; someone who is my rock; a humongous part of my life, and although our relationship poses the problems of geography; on average we have seen each other at least twice a month every month since we've moved apart.
So here's to you Leu, thank you for saving me, swooping in when I had felt failure, telling me everything would be alright and reassuring me. Thank you for always being the one I can count on for an honest opinion and moral support; we've been through some pretty ugly situations thus far and I couldn't have picked a better best friend to weather the storm with, a more loving and compassionate woman who deserves the sky moon sun and stars on any given day, not only because she is my best friend, but because she is truly amazing.
Heres to 4 years, and 100 more.
per sempre la mia geila.
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