fearfully refrain

When people tell of their 'biggest fears' in life i often times wonder if that's really their biggest fear. We often times say spiders, heights, death, dark. Those are among the crowd favorites, but not limited to. Being a nanny, i've read my fair share of parenting books to learn some fun tricks, tips, and general courtesies of being a provider. In these so called 'parenting books' (they're a crock of shit) they speak on the subject of fears, fear in which we instill in our children through our actions, reactions, and motions. Think of it this way, thunder and lightning are two scary things in and of themselves, but if you have daddy warbucks thats scared shitless of the things and the two combine while rolling over the suburbs; there you are watching a fanatical episode of tom & jerry when dad flies off the handle because of his fear, children can sense fear, so in turn does said child then become scared of thunderstorms too? Since seeing dad all worked up and afraid we would tend to get all worked up and afraid, noticing that our sole provider, our 'safehaven' isn't making us feel so safe anymore, we note why. A fear. And we may or may not chose to act on that same fear, or evolve out of it and recognize that we have our own fears, disillusions, and calamities to act upon and if we keep adding daddio cools to the list then our fears will instantly double.
When asking a lover what his greatest fear is, he told me: the dark. Simple as that, the unknown scares the shit out of him. After thinking about it for a while, there's a deeper meaning there. Maybe its me digging out the true meaning when what is said is simply what he meant, but i'm not buying that timeshare. To me, the way in which i chose to interpret this information, which is of course NOT the right interpretation, just my own. I took it as more than just 'the dark' i took it as, i'm afraid of the unknown. I'm fearful when i don't know the shots that are going to be called and who will be calling them. I'm afraid of things I can't see, or hear. I allow fear to creep into my bones when i can't see what is out there. Now all these things are synonymous with fear of the dark, but when looking in between the faded lines, there are some parallels that may carry on into other areas of ones life. Everyones scared of something, the better question is "why are you scared of that".
One of my larger fears: being in a loveless marriage. Could i stand by for the sake of my children and allow myself to be so miserable or would i do a selfish act of seperating and doing my best to explain to my children why mommy & daddy aren't mom & dad anymore. I can't remember a time in my life where this subject has NOT shown itself. Almost in every corner and the small places we turn to when we're feeling lonely I have witnessed, a loveless marriage. I can't predict the future and say my marriage (if that shit ever happens) will be perfect and full of love everyday, but I vow to myself in this moment, that every morning i blink open my two blue eyes to see the first sights of the world and to set out on my endeavors for the day, I will whole heartedly keep a positive attitude, and an optimistic outlook for my life and my marriage. I will consistently work towards a betterment between the two of us, i will make sure that my husband knows that i love him, not just because i'm supposed to, but because i was blessed enough to have & hold him for the rest of our lives, and in some weird turn of fate, he is now & will forever be a part of me.
In the book: 7 habits of hightly effective people the author talks about meeting a man after one of his presentations, the man tells him ' listen i love coming here and listening to you speak, i've read your book and think its great but i have a problem. I have been married for 10 years and my wife and i have just grown apart, we don't love each other anymore, what do i do?" Stephen covey (the author) replies, love her. The man looks at him and again starts to explain the situation "but i dont love her anymore" stephen replies again with "then love her." when the man asks what in God's green pastures he's talking about Stephen simply replies with "If you don't love each other anymore and you want to make your marriage work, theres no better time than now to just love her, listen to her, hold her, and hear her. Let her know she is important and let her express herself."

So kids in the life lesson for the day when you're not feeling loved or are questioning your love for another, say sibling, spous, significant other; just love them, and not just saying it and buying flowers for one another. Truly love them.